Jeshi Lost in…

Cause I have less sense than a goat

May the games begin…

17:30 2014 July 22

May the games begin…

How does one start an epic 17 days adventure across Southern California with questionable methods of transportation?

Like any other day.

Wake up late, go to work, hand your stuff in, kick some serious ass, make a few folks realize how wrong they are and maybe a little bit of tears…and BAM. You’re good to go.

Then at noon, I go to the post office cause they have my package and then lost it. So I was waiting while they were hunting for it and the passport lady next to it was giving me the “thou has not renew thy passport and I shall make thy existence miserable for being a procrastinating ass”. Yes. Her look was just that deathly. I got my package and went home to get the last of my shit together, lost my boarding pass, panic, reprint, not sure where I left my usb but whatever.

Ate the saltiest, hardest (YES, HARD) pho imaginable, the run to the airport….at 15:00. My flight leaves at 16:35. It takes 30 minutes to get there. In other words: I’m so fucked.

But wait…it gets better, because I live in Colorado, the land of the high and perpetual construction there’s a 7 minute delay. So I stand corrected: I’m beyond fucked.

Does that stop me? Hell no, I ran to check in my luggage, make fun of Mum, scare Dad a bit and then run. FUCKING FOREST GUMP THAT SHIT AND LEGIT FUCKING RUN TO SECURITY AT 15:54.

TSA SHOULD TAKE A FEW THINGS IN CONSIDERATION:

  • THERE SHOULD BE AN OLD FOLK LINE. They’re very….mellow about the fact that they’re going to get to their plane because THEY ARE OLD AND OLD FOLKS GET EVERYWHERE AN HOUR BEFORE EVERYONE ELSE. MEANING IF THEIR FLIGHT IS AT 14:00, THEY WILL BE THERE AT 12:00 BECAUSE THEY KNOW IT TAKES AN HOUR TO GET THERE SO THEY GET THERE AN HOUR BEFORE. The 75 years or older don’t need to remove shoes? MAKE THAT 60 YEARS, PLEASE.
  • People with wiggles should have their own line cause they get to go through before everyone in the short line. Great. Not a big deal until you realized you have a horde of people on the other side trying to wait for their stuff cause it’s behind YOUR stuff and you can’t get out because THEY’RE IN THE WAY. YOU REALLY DON’T HAVE TO BE A COMPUTER SCIENCIST TO KNOW THAT’S A DEADLOCK. A. DEAD. FUCKING. LOCK. IT’S NOT GOING TO MOVE.

AND TO EVERYONE ELSE, PLEASE JUST PULL OFF YER DAMN SHOES AND GET YER SHIRT TOGETHER. I AM LATE. I DON’T CARE IF YOUR SHOES ARE LIKE MADE OF GOLD, GET THAT FUCKER OFF AND ON THE BELT AND THROW ALL YOUR SHIT IN THE BIN THEY GIVE YOU. SERIOUSLY. NO ONE IS GONNA JUDGE YER SOCKS.

Then I fucking ran down to the trains to get to my concourse, the LAST FUCKING CONCOURSE.

BREATTTHHEEEEEEEEE.

Then I ran form one end of the airport to the other end, counting down gates. ES.

1…2..3………29…..THEN I SWEAR 30 AND 31 JUST VANISHED. I couldn’t find them, I’m 31 and it does not exist until THIS FAIRY APPEARED OUT OF THE FAR WALL AND GOES “HAIIIIII YOU MUST BE THE INCOMPETENT CHILD THAT IS HOLDING UP OUR FLIGHT, PLEASE GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER AND BOARD ah ha~<3”. (I kid you not, that heart literally appeared next to her face.)

Time: 16:15. I am on a plane to my destination: LA.

FUCK YES, I CAN RUN THROUGH THE AIRPORT IN 20 MINUTES. I DON’T THINK I HAVE DONE THIS MUCH CARDIO IN FOREVER. THANK BLOGLITES FOR YOUR WORKOUT CALENDAR…I DIDN’T DROP A PANT SIZE BUT I SURE CAN RUN LIKE FUCKING FOREST GUMP.

Now…how do I get to international pick up, grab my partners in crime, rent the car (fingers crossed it’s something sexy), and find Schan for dinner. I think we’re getting tofu? I dunno. I might be magical tofu.

17:55 2014 July 22

Landed in LA. Started hell over a child that won’t sit down so we can get to the gate. Got to the gate, got my luggage and then RANNNNNNNNN to International pick up.

And waited.

And waited.

And WAAAAIIITTEDD.

Then I panicked and texted everyone and decided Kchu and Papa Domo are forever lost and has been deported for drug smuggling or something. And then……in a shining moment of glory, THERE THEY WERE!!

So I screamed cause it’s what I do. Then we went on a hunt for a bus that has “Lot C” on it, so we can get to our car rental, which is a shady looking place. But whatever, we ended up a Hyndai Accent, bright fucking blue. Drove to Abu, she took us to magical tofu house…..

Apparently, even through we’re sisters, we’re nothing alike. e_e;;; And she seems like the oldest. e________e;;;;;;;

But it’s fine, we went to get groceries for us and Abu, I lost my phone. Found my phone in my bag.

Phone: 0

Me: 1

Drove foreer long on the damn highway to god knows whatever. Went to get gas, or petrol as the Domo and Kchu say. All of my cars are declined…fml. Got it to work with debt card….and we all needed to pee…but the 24hr stores were all closed. Yes. CLOSED.

Fml….

So we drove and fucking HAULED ASS to SD, made an ass of my self trying to check in. Got in, got our stuff and BAM.

We died.

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This entry was posted on July 22, 2014 by in California and tagged , , , .

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