Jeshi Lost in…

Cause I have less sense than a goat

Seaworld: it’s really not all water

Linds agreed to be the one that will come and pick us all up from our hotel (I think Domo and Kchu both let out a sigh of relief) because she does know the area better. So we like zombied out of bed, no actually, I was wide awake at 8AM. Ready for work.

Seriously, it’s a horrible habit. I would just stare and then move around to find my laptop. Mostly cause Kchu or Domo probably had to move it cause I was trying to fix the little bugger and just KOed. Dun even remember what happened. So I did the logical thing, I text Echu, “….do you know where my laptop is?”

Because aaaaalllllll the way on the other side of the country, Echu will know where my laptop is. And then I found it….and as life would have it: I KOed. Then humanized at like 11AM or something like that. Domo and Kchu were more human than me, thankfully, Linds isn’t come until after she gets through with her asskicking class.

Yes. She’s an uber belt in ranmadbzjackiechan-fu and now taking asskicking class. This is why I’m only allowed to get into a bar with her present. You have no idea how hard it is to make sure to only get into a bar fight when she’s around cause she hates me and always leaves me for saving the world. Damn her functioning yang-side.

But we did eventually met her in a haze of panic dressing and throwing all our stuff together, we even freaked out about the Citypass, it exists. I’m not allowed to hold it because everything I hold gets stolen by fairies. BUTTTT SHE FOUND US.

And we went out to get into her, all like penguins cause that’s how I imagine us walking out. Just like

<(OvO)> <(OvO)> <(OvO)> <(OvO)>

No turn was missed as Linds get us out to the harbor area where there are boats everywhere. EVERYWHERE. She got us out into the lands of the magical seagulls, they have seagull water slides even, that’s how I know we were close to Seaworld. Seagull water slides. One does not question this.

But we got food.

A lot of food.

Like let me explain how much food.


But it was all soo good…..calamari….soup…..pasta….something that they were trying to kill me with a huge piece of onion. I never got the giant cookie. I really wanted the cookie the size of my head. ;~;

But I did get to sing “DO YOU WANNA PADDLE BOARDD~~~~~~~It doesn’t have to be paddle board~. COME ON LET’S GO AND PLAYYYY”
“Go away, Jess.”
“Okay, bye….”

Yeah. These are my friends.

Then we were on the mission to Seaworld, we got there in a clean shot as we didn’t miss any turns as we drove into the “front” of Seaworld. Turns out the entrance was like three parking lots away. But that’s okay.

Because there was the epic entrance music. Trust me, every amusement park has epic entrance music.

And there was water. Everywhere. There was water there. There was water here. Water everywhere. Omg waaaterrrrr….

So we got ice cream….because Linds promised me ice cream because I didn’t get my cookie.

Important step one.

Then we went to the biggest ride, Mantra, and drag Kchu along, kicking, screaming, and crying. She lived. Thank goodness, too, because she’s the only one that remembered what was our locker combo of our stuff is. Struggles. Better rethink that life choice.

But in order for her to recover, we went ahead and explored the park, to find that they sell beer and FOR A LARGE SUM, YOU TOO CAN SWIM WITH DOLPHINS BEFORE THEY EAT YOU. They go EEK, EEK, EEK, and splash everyone and then  carries the folks off to eat them.

At least that was my understanding.

Anyways, after that, we made our way around Seaworld…I won’t bore you with the exhibits but I’ll just do this in what we did.

I ran through the kids place……in other words, I almost tackle over small children to just play in the water. I lived. They did, too. I think. But what’s really matters is….


So many flamingos! Is it just me, or does anyone thinks Flamingos are all secretly named Joey? I dunno, one of them just struts around like he owns the place. Then freaks outs. Classic male.

…..Then tragedy striked! LINDS DROPPED HER BEER.

It was an omen… to counter act it, we had to get Dippin’ dots ice creamm. They were out of every flavor but chocolate and banana split. We all got banana split….but that means we were prepared, we can finally brave it all and….

We went to find the penguins so that Papa Domo can quickly catch up with his penguin side of the family. They had an American accent through, so it made it hard for him to understand. It’s okay, he got a lot more days with me to train him. But Sir Domo did get a stuff penguin to remind him that he always has family at Seaworld. They’re waiting his return. And something about it matching their decor? Who the bloops worries about penguins matching their decor? Domos and Kchus. 

We went onwards to this ride thing that was like a helicopter that flew you over Cold-as-balls land. They threw you around but you get to see the polar bearssss…but that’s beside the point because they spit you out on this side of the rock were you get to explore the cabin inside, see the white whales that just chillin’….literally. The temperature is set to their natural state of being really cold temperature….and next to them is….SHIROKUMA!!! He was so worried, pacing back and forth, he needs to get back to his cafe!!! Oh, I hope he made it back in time for opening or Panda’s gonna be so sad…and get into trouble.

To prove to everyone that it’s really cold for the animals, Seaworld has this wall thing that is covered in ice for people to touch. And I touched. Then I turned to touch everyone else. Domo was not a happy Domo. Domo decided it was a declaration of war and even Kchu cannot save me. Linds was the smart one and just avoided the warfare.  I might’ve screamed. Might’ve. Just a bit.

And onwards to the….TURTLES. Turtles, man. How do I explain turtles…they’re so mellow that they pile on top of each other and just sleep and what not. But these turtles, they’re like HUGE. I can ride one to Japan if I freaking wanted to!  But the lady said they are mean vicious things and I’ll get arrested. So in other words, I just have to make sure I don’t get caught.  You know, got to learn the important stuff.

Then we found the turtle game, where we take over the game from small kiddies and become turtles traveling to our mating grounds. I don’t know about you, but I was the turtle that can’t eat anything. I was literally the turtle that gets attacked by Kchuturtle’s food. I am a tragedy in the making. Apparently my turtle doesn’t like to eat either. Diets, you know, got to keep that turtleish figure.

When we exit the turtle exhibit, it was already getting dark out and we wanted to make it to this ship wreck, but Domo said it was closed for business, so we were thinking of going onto the journey to Atlantis…..but right in front of us is a ride where they spin you around in circles while throwing you around in the air. Linds and I figured out how to find out the best position to get the most spin on our side. And it went WHEEEEEEEE and then it went another round of WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. And then it ended.

Now it’s funny because Kchu came out looking like \(QAQ)/….and Domo was like \(@A@)/….and they staggered like they had one too many shots of tequila and yeah, according to Domo, “It’s still spinning.” Linds and I couldn’t help but laugh. >.> Old age, man. It’s dangerous. Don’t do it.

After we all learned how to walk like human adults, we went to the JOURNEY TO ATLANTIS. Come on everyone, do the dramatic hand motion. So to explain this ride is simple, they put you on a raft-like-thing and hike it to the top of the waterfall and drop you. Simple right? It should be a quick two minute thing. THAT LINE NEVER MOVED. I swear, we took photos, we lost a Domo, found a Domo, and played weird hand games….talked about things that I cannot recall because for the love of all that is dry in the world, THE LINE WAS BARELY MOVING. After about an hour, WE WERE HALF WAY THERE…we decided, Shamu was performing and NO ONE GOT TIMES FOR LINES. Turns out the damn thing was breaking and restart and someone get a fucking tech swat team in to KO that thing in place before someone really does end up stuck in Atlantis.

So the epic journey of speed walking past a Seaworld club thing for wiggles to train for their clubbing lives later..questioned if it was left or right and then BAM WE MADE IT! It was like a freaking rave show with water and they shuffled us in and they put us in the middle cause we’re too cool to get wet.

And those whales are fucking divas. They were like WOOOSSHH and SPLASHHHH and people were like AHHH and WOOOO and then there’s this damn seagull that was trying to get into the whales’ treat and just didn’t give a fuck. Seagulls I tell you.

And I can keep trying to explain the show to you, but it won’t do it justice so I found this on youtube…and it’s fucking close enough.

Keep in mind, we went to the last show, so it’s more Rave-y and more dramatic cause there’s fireworks and shit and then everyone move out and we nearly lost each other but hey, I got a deathgrip for hand holding, okay?

Then we shuffled our way out of there to get food. Now this is where we win: we parked forever far away, making us the closest to the exit. And we were out in no time at all to get to the Sushiii….which was packed to the eyeballs and so instead we went to this ramen place that….was cozy. But weird. They literally have a film that is nothing but credits. Literally. Nonstop credit. I’m sure there’s more to it, but all I saw was credits. Like…yeah. But we got a whole bunch of food. Three ramen, one rice bowl, oysters, an overpriced umesake-that-tormented-Kchu.

Then we went home…no wrong turns were taken. Amazing. Linds couldn’t stay with us long thro, she has to go home and prepare for her long trip back to LA to visit family….

And we should’ve been normal and sleep. But noooooooooooooooooo….we decided to talk. ABOUT EVERYTHING. OMG I DON’T THINK I EVER HAD THAT MUCH HISTORY STORED IN MY HEAD EVER. LIKE FREAKING….I don’t know where to start. Someone kicked someone and blew up someone and the moral of the story is don’t fuck with Russia when winter’s coming.

I think I died somewhere along here….>_________>;;;;;

Trip total so far:

Missed turns: 3.
Margaritas: 2
Beer: 2
Ramen: 1
Pho: 1
Tofu house: 1
Gas refuel: 1
Really needing a bathroom and not able to find one: 1.5


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This entry was posted on July 25, 2014 by in California and tagged , , .

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